Love, Marriage, and Intersectionality
As is clear from my About page and the photos on this site: I'm white. I'm also a cisgender heterosexual. I've been privileged all my life as a result of these things, and I know it.
The United States, despite the promise of equality and "justice for all," has never truly delivered these things for black Americans, LGBTQ people, women, immigrants, religious and ethnic minorities, the disabled, or the poor. Countless lives have been lost in the fight for a truly equitable and democratic society, and sadly the violence against oppressed groups has grown as our nation becomes more polarized and extreme.
Like many, I feel anger, sorrow, and (sometimes) helplessness in the face of violence and suppression, and like many, I have searched my heart and brain for actions I can take to move the needle away from racism, homophobia, religious intolerance, ableism, classism, and sexism, and point the way towards more love, more peace, and justice for all. This is supposed to be what decent humans do, after all.
It feels overwhelming, and obvs I can't fix the world all by myself. The forces that oppress are strong and well-outiftted, but I believe we can work together to subvert them and transform our society into something better.
For my part, here's what I, a little vintage white lady, am resolving to do:
- I will acknowledge that I have been the beneficiary of white privilege and been inculcated with the racist bias that suffuses U.S. culture. I will work to dismantle white privilege and biases both in myself and in soceity at large.
- In 2008 I opened my home as a safe, secure space for LGBTQ+ people to marry. Though my literal home isn't always available, I will continue to create a "safe home" for every couple of every persuasion, to be supportive of their needs, their safety, and their story.
- I will continue to advocate for and support, both socially and materially, individuals and groups who work for justice and equity in our society, and will encourage better representation for all groups in the wedding vendor world and the world in general.
- I will publicly speak out and speak up, knowing this will alienate some people who disagree with diversity. Haters are gonna hate, but not on my watch.
- Sorry, but I will also totally ride your behind to register to vote and persuade everyone you know to vote, because we can't have a democracy unless EVERYBODY participates, no excuses. I will even put a voter registration form in your wedding day document packet though really these days you can register online and probably you should just DO IT NOW, and maybe share the link while you're at it.
- I will always, to the best of my small ability, come down on the side of Love. I believe in the power of Love to transform individual lives and relationships; that's why I do what I do. I have felt the healing and strengthening power of love, respect, and commitment in my own life and want to grow that healing and strength in the world. I believe that when we commit to each other and the principles of love--as we do when we marry, or honor any relationship by being a trustworthy, compassionate friend and ally--we take a small step towards creating a better world for everybody.
May it be so.
Lastly, and most importantly....
A wedding only lasts a day, but the marriage it inaugurates can have a lasting impact for generations. Small actions that support freedom, democracy, and justice can also make a difference. We hope you'll join us in standing up for Love, whoever you may be, and we encourage you to think about these greater gifts to the world as you plan your wedding and your married life beyond the wedding day. If you want to consider some other ways to make your wedding a force for good, check out our charitable giving page.
We wish you a wonderful wedding and (for all of us) a sweet and long life together.